Cultivating Calmness
by Tamara
Eaton
I once heard a preacher say that God created families
to do a perfecting work in us that couldn't possibly be
done unless we were thrown together with the same group of
people day in and day out. As a homeschool mom, I can sure
identify with this! I've spend a lot of time with my
family--and while I love it, we've had our share of
"grumpy" days when nothing seemed to be going
right and we were irritated by one another.
For many years I had the following quote displayed on
my refrigerator:
"That woman who is cool and collected, who is
master of her countenance, her voice, her actions and her
gestures, will be the mother who is in control of her
children, and who is greatly beloved by them."
When tempers flare or children are disobedient or
irritating, it's so helpful if we stop what we're doing,
and take a moment to calmly ACT instead of REACT to the
situation. It's generally when we're very busy, involved
in something else, that the temptation is greatest to get
upset with our children. We need to consciously yield to
the Lord and the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-25),
instead of to our fleshly instincts. If we're grumpy,
we'll most likely produce grumpy children--it's a vicious
cycle. But we can glorify the Lord as we yield to Him
instead of our flesh! And the more we yield to the Fruit
of the Spirit and abide in the Vine (John 15), the easier
it gets.
If one child is disobedient or causing a disturbance, I
like to walk the child back to my bedroom or somewhere
private and talk to them in a calm manner "eyeball to
eyeball". Or I might have him sit on the couch and
calm down, and then talk to him about it. This works
especially well when younger children are fussing with
each other--they each sit on a couch until they can work
things out and be friends again.
We're not teaching our children to "bottle
up" their anger or negative feelings, but instead to
deal with them properly and learn to give them to the
Lord, crucifying any works or fruits of the flesh,
replacing them with the Fruit of the Spirit.
We want to encourage our children from an early age to
"take up their cross and follow Jesus" and learn
to live the crucified life! At the same time, we strive to
be that godly example for them, asking God to do His work
in our own lives so that we might consistently practice
what we preach. We want to demonstrate His great love and
compassion to our children, by being merciful and full of
grace and longsuffering!
Thankfully, we don't have to rely on our own abilities
to accomplish this great task, but we have a Source who
never fails us, if we'll just keep our eyes and hearts
toward Him! And if we do sin, we repent, and ask the Lord
to forgive us, and ask our children's forgiveness. They
know we aren't perfected yet, but if we are humble enough
to admit it when we are wrong, they will have much more
respect for us, and it will be another good example to
them.
We can't control all the circumstances, but we can
control our reaction to the circumstances with the Lord's
help--and sometimes, we can take preventative measures to
avoid having the same problems reoccur. The next time you
have a negative situation develop, take time to analyze
it. What was going on when you or the children got angry
or the children were disobedient? Is there a need for
further training in an area or maybe for closer
supervision by you in some circumstances? Does a cranky
toddler or baby simply need a nap?
One mother described her anger over coming back to a
room that she had recently cleaned, only to have her young
children totally undo all her work. Her toddler had gotten
into the baby powder and sprinkled it liberally over the
floor. The floor was also littered with crayons, papers,
legos, little cars-- and her little children were sprawled
out in the midst of it all, having a wonderful time! They
were shocked when their mother started screaming at them
and burst into tears. How could this have been prevented?
1. Powder all over the floor-- Always take time to keep
it (and similar items) out of the reach of the little
ones. Don't allow them to be tempted above that which they
are able to bear. Our Heavenly Father uses this principle
in His dealings with us; we should follow His example with
our children!
2. Taking crayons out and leaving them everywhere--Have
a specific place for coloring and artwork, and encourage
the children to clean it up before going to something
else. We use a large flat plastic container for all the
crayons so the children don't have to dump them all over
the floor to find the right color.
3. Legos and little cars on the floor-- Have a specific
area where they can play with legos and small toys so they
don't get so scattered. If they do get scattered, call for
a quick pick up--it takes less than 5 minutes. Keep a
cheerful attitude and see that the children do it
efficiently without getting sidetracked.
It's frustrating to clean a room and come back minutes
later to see everything messy again, but it helps to keep
things in perspective. While it may look like a wreck,
usually a quick pick up (five minutes or less) resolves
the problem. If the children have gone on to something
else or are just being messy, have them pick it up and
train them to pick up things before they start something
else. Yes, it takes time and patience and it's sometimes
easier to do it yourself, but by being CONSISTENT, you
will be rewarded! The same thing applies to all areas of
child-training--hold fast and don't give up.
My attitude is greatly improved if I meditate on the
Lord and His Word and sing praises to Him as I go about my
day. ("He maketh the barren woman to keep house
and be the JOYFUL mother of children!") When I
concentrate on communing with the Lord, really enjoying my
children, I find I don't mind the mess as much. I think,
"Oh look at what a good time they're
having....they're so creative...they're playing so well
together...", instead of dwelling on how the house
looks. On the other hand, we do need to train them to
clean up after themselves when they're through!
Let's all trust God to help us maintain a calm and
loving attitude toward our family, as we yield to the
fruit of the Spirit. He has already provided ALL we need
to overcome!
"Almighty God, give to Thy servant a meek and
gentle spirit, that may be slow to anger, and easy to
mercy and forgiveness. Give me a wise and constant heart,
that I may never be moved to an intemperate anger for any
injury that is done or offered. Lord, let me ever be
courteous, and easy to be entreated; let me never fall
into a peevish or contentious spirit, but follow peace
with all men; offering forgiveness, inviting them by
courtesies, ready to confess my own errors, apt to make
amends, and desirous to be reconciled. Let no sickness or
cross accident, no employment or weariness, make me angry
or ungentle and discontented, or unthankful, or uneasy to
them that minister to me; but in all things make me like
unto the holy Jesus. Amen." --Jeremy Taylor,
1613-1667
" I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that
abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much
fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." --John
15:5
" If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you,
ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so
shall ye be my disciples." --John 15:7-8
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy,
peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And
they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the
affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us
also walk in the Spirit." --Galatians 5:22-25
"But now ye also put off all these; anger,
wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your
mouth....seeing that ye have put off the old man with his
deeds; And have put on the new man, which is renewed in
knowledge after the image of him that created him." --Colossians
3:8-10
© Copyright Tamara Eaton 1994-2005, all
rights reserved.
